I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because He considered me faithful, putting me into service, even though I was formerly a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent aggressor. Yet I was shown mercy because I acted ignorantly in unbelief; and the grace of our Lord was more than abundant, with the faith and love which are found in Christ Jesus. (1 Tim. 1:12-14 NASB)
I’ve been painting Jonah’s room over the last few days. He’s had the same design since he was three and last year, around his birthday, I told him I’d redo his room. I redid his sister’s so now it’s his turn. I’ve found myself, looking in at his room as I walk by. I flip on the light and look around at the drastic change. It was reminiscent of the many, many nights I would enter his room after he was asleep making sure he was breathing.
Jonah’s asthma has resulted in a couple of intense hospital stays and too many sleepless nights. I have been told he could die (a mother’s worse nightmare). I’ve heard the heart wrenching cries of my boy as the hospital staff removed mucus from his lung so it would start working again. I’ve sat quietly, reading my Bible only to jump when the alarms from the heart monitors rang. It’s been traumatic at times to say the least. Although his asthma has been under control for years, this morning I was right back there again.
Jonah also has to deal with eczema. Apparently, it’s common in asthmatics. Day after day I remind him to slather up and most days he ignores me. This morning he was complaining his eczema was burning and when I looked at his legs I became upset. It’s infected. He isn’t doing what I tell him. He’s not putting cream on. He’s not doing wet wraps. And now it’s a mess. So, this morning, my boy, who I love so very much, got an earful from his mother. My final comment was, do you realize if you do not take care of this, your infection could get so bad that you could die? I was angry and so was he. He didn’t say a word when I dropped him off at school.
I know my anger came from the fear he would have to suffer again. I’m trying to help him. We have all the tools. We have the education but he just won’t do what he’s supposed to and it upsets me. It hurts my heart because he will have to face the consequences and I will have to watch. I wonder if that feeling is something God possesses when we mess up. He gives us His Word for inspiration. He speaks to us through His Holy Spirit to encourage and warn us. He offers so many signs and yet, we walk right back into the same old sin over and over again. Then He sits with us while we endure the struggle we have perpetuated. Oh how our Father loves us!
Once again, I will take over; making sure Jonah is following his regiment. And after a while, I will hand the responsibility over to him again. I don’t know if he will rise to the occasion, but I will offer him a chance again. I won’t give up on him because God had never given up on me!!