This year, one of my goals is to memorize more scripture. I don’t want to just memorize words; I want to know God’s Word. I want to understand it. I want it to become a part of who I am. As I was praying about this, I thought it would be helpful if I used the same scripture throughout the week on this blog. I will use it in personal devotions, prayer on Wednesday and parenting on Thursday. I hope you find it helpful in your pursuit of God.
When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. (Psalm 56:3 NASB)
Fear is a little word but it can have an enormous effect on how we function. It causes us to worry. It prevents us from moving forward in life. It keeps us from stepping out in faith. Fear is what holds us back.
I have a confession to make. I am fearful of something, well many things. But today I will focus on just one fear. I am fearful of spending money. You see, five years ago, my husband lost his job. Initially, it wasn’t too bad. He was earning his regular salary working on his own. But as the industry diminished, so did his ability to get work. I was working part-time, trying to home school three kids and he was working hard without making much money. It was a difficult time. After a couple of years, things had gotten so bad that we almost lost our house. It was then that I told God to take our house if He needed to. He gave it to us, and He surely had the right to take it away. In my heart of hearts I had given up my will for His.
That was a difficult time in our lives on so many levels. The Lord chose to allow us to keep our home. We are thankful for the help He sent our way. And I am painfully aware not everyone had the same outcome. Today, my husband has a good job making a salary that pays the bills. But this experience has left me fearful. I find myself paying bills late just so I can have more money in the bank. One of the things I learned from our experience was I had always put my hope and confidence in our income. I thought this experience had helped me to depend on God more. In some ways it has but in other ways I still struggle.
So, one of my goals this year is to pay bills on time. It is not to hold back for fear of not having enough, but to allow God to do what He will in our finances. I am still responsible for how it gets spent. I will remain frugal but my goal is to allow Him to guide me.
There are so many things we fear in life mainly because we don’t want to suffer. I guess that’s where faith comes in. It means moving forward, not knowing the future but trusting the One who does. The first step is always the hardest but it’s also the most beneficial.