Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer. (Psalm 19:14 NASB)
I couldn’t believe the words came out of my mouth. It happened before I had my coffee. It happened because I am not a morning person. But still, I was even stunned that I spoke such awful words to my son. I won’t share what those words were because frankly, I’m too ashamed. Honestly, I felt like a horrible mother. And I didn’t know if the words I used would have a lasting effect on Jonah.
It happened last week and my heart still hurts when I think of the impact those words may have had on Jonah. He was as stunned as I was. I guess that’s a good thing meaning it’s not a common occurrence. But still, it was pretty dreadful. I knew he was taken aback because he just kept looking at me in disbelief. He didn’t offer a refute. He didn’t say much of anything. He just looked at me and I knew I had hurt his heart.
When Jonah got home that day, we had a talk. I apologized profusely, unwilling to make excuses for my behavior. I had spent an extended amount of time in confession to the Lord and I wanted my son to know I was wrong. I asked for his forgiveness and we talked about where to go from here. He told me how bad I made him feel but that he forgave me. Forgiveness never felt so sweet!
I am thankful that Jonah has such a tender heart and finds it easy to forgive. I am also thankful that God redeemed this situation. Jonah saw that I am far from perfect. He also saw that we all have good days and bad days. Mostly he saw his Mom humbly asking for forgiveness. This was a lesson in humility for both of us. I don’t know that there is any other way to teach it other than by example.