“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.” (Proverbs 1:7)
Last week I posted about writing my 200th blog. I got a lot of comments and affirmations which were so encouraging to me. One comment came from a blog buddy I have and she stated that she was not as mature in her faith as I was. I was kind of taken back by this because I always feel like I should be farther along. I always look at where I should be and the disciplines I should have and groan with disappointment. I often look at someone more mature than myself and wish I could be that controlled, that grace filled, that understanding. And yet I am not. I can sit here and give you a long list of things that I continually pray about and desire for my personal walk with Christ that have not been accomplished. I can share the deepest desires of my heart that have not been fulfilled. I can tell you everything I have been convicted of in the last week that have been continual strongholds for me. But instead, I realized this weekend that sometimes it’s a good thing to look back and see how far God has brought me.
I went to a parenting class this weekend. I had never heard him speak before but he made some very profound statements. One of the best comments he made was that we are trying to move our children from foolish to wise. They come to us knowing nothing and our job is to move them toward God. We are to feed them truth and help them to make wiser decisions. As he was speaking, I thought to myself, aren’t we all on that path? Aren’t we all trying to gain wisdom and be more like Christ? I am walking the same path my kids are. I am farther up the road because I’ve been at it longer. But I am still on that same road to wisdom.
This weekend, I took some time to look back. I looked back to where I started this journey twenty years ago. I was 24 years old and had in my mind what I was going to do with the rest of my life. I had my preconceived notions of what I wanted my life to be and for the most part, all of it centered on me. I was going to live my life as I chose with no one holding me back. God had different plans and although I am not where I would like to be I know this…God is in control of my life. He calls the shots. And over the years He has taught me so many things. When I started this journey, I was not a gracious person at all. God has replaced my condemning heart with a heart that sees past the behavior to the reason behind the behavior. He has replaced my angry heart with a heart that’s a little more compassionate. He has brought people into my life that have taught me to forgive even when I didn’t want to. He has taught me a lot. When I look back, I see the difference in my thinking. I see the difference in my motivation. I see the difference in the way I approach certain situations.
We are all working to gain wisdom. We are all moving in one direction and that is toward God. At times we wander off the path. But that too leads to wisdom, eventually. It does us our weary hearts good to look back at the way we used to be so that we can praise God for working in our lives. For me, sometimes I spend too much time looking at where I think I should be and forget that it is a process. I am not perfect and will only be perfected when I am with God. In the meantime I will continue on this journey encouraged to see that I am making progress. I am forever grateful that someday this fool will become wise.